His response to my e-mail
- More than a few times, I caught myself bringing up my ex and thinking “why the hell am I bringing HER up with someone that I might possibly propose to one day”? Here’s my theory. “The one” will simultaneously be (i) a confidante, (ii) a lover, and (iii) a soul mate. But also at any given point (or when a person is into introspection as much as you and me), you need a confidante. And, given a reasonably healthy libido and dearth of sexual contact, the hunger for a lover is hard to ignore. So when I reached out to the world, I was really just looking for a confidante (and the confidante would need to hear me out on my ex). But when I engaged with you, the sensuality you exude just turned me on immensely. Two of of three ain’t bad, but why not go for all three, right? Well, I’m smart enough to know it doesn’t work that way. (iii) is the elusive one and I think I knew it in my gut that it wasn’t in the cards for us pretty early on.
- But, man oh man, would I love to be your lover just once. So I’ll ask the question without pressing you for an answer … could you see yourself being a confidante and lover with someone who isn’t “the one”? I’ve asked myself the question and don’t know. Frankly, if sex with someone who wasn’t “the one” compromised the friendship/confidante aspect, then I’d pass on the sex.
- And, by the way, yes – unequivocally – I say you’re well-adjusted. Maybe in the other 6 days and 23 hours of the week that I don’t interact with you, you’re moody, anxious, or worse. Maybe behind the crystal-clear wisdom that you dispense in your emails and our chats, you’re grappling with serious life challenges and indecision. Like you said you know very little of me, I know very little of you, really. But the things I know and you can’t hide are that you have a kind heart, you know your place in the world, you care and you maintain your grace even with what you’ve had to deal with in your relationships, with your economic juggling, and with [The Mook] taking a file to her nose. In my books, grace under pressure is the truest mark of the well-adjusted. I think you’re amazing.
Finally, as I head back to my meeting prep, can I see you this afternoon after work – say 5pm – for a few minutes? I PROMISE not to make a move on you (maybe just a peck on the cheek) and I PROMISE not to steal you until the wee hours of the morning (in fact, I’m still on kid-duty and need to get home to make dinner). I would just love the opportunity to give you a hug.
Swoon.
Also: horny
I’m going to need to find a nickname for him. Any suggestions?
I’m not good at nicknames, sorry. But I want an email like that too! Indeedy, two out of three ain’t bad. I think I have i) and iii) and am soooooooooooooooo needing ii), but we’re working on it.
Keep on working at it. It’s something that people don’t talk about enough – how kids affect sex lives, how hard it is to feel sexy when you’re pulled in a million different directions. For me, foreplay would include someone else doing the dishes for a change!
Is he aware of the blog?
“Wordsworth”
Because he has words, and those words are worthy.
…And it’s important that the nickname not presuppose how things are going to turn out, or value judgments on his character. So, to whatever extent he becomes notable in your journey, it clearly started with these words, no?
I’ve received the suggestion Mr 2of3. Which is fitting, but doesn’t lend itself well to the appreciation I have for his words.
Thanks for the suggestion, Inris. And no, he doesn’t know about the blog.
Whoa!
That’s some heavy stuff. Proceed with caution lady, ok?
I also like the idea of Mr 2of3
Hmmm. Read: I don’t want to sprinkle any rain on your swoon. But please–PLEASE–be cautious, R. You should be swooned and you also should be treated RIGHT.
Nickname? Not sure. Tell us more.